A Trauma Survivor's Story

Tunbridge Wells: Me in the centre next to my cousin to my right and dad behind.

Tunbridge Wells: From left to right Carol, Lyn, Susan and me.

Life became a bit easier at secondary school, largely because I made friends. Holiday trips to Europe were a welcome relief. I helped with gardening jobs and projects which helped me gain some acceptance, particularly from my dad. However, after puberty my hormones kicked in and I got into trouble fighting other schoolboys, driven by an inner rage. A ‘deal’ made by my mother at enrollment, meant I could not be expelled and so I successfully finished my secondary high school education. 

At this time, I joined Green Peace under the ‘Save the Whales’ campaign and enjoyed watching popular nature documentaries by David Attenborough and Jacques Cousteau. A TV series by Jacob Bronowski called, “The Ascent of Man,” inspired me to attend University and understand life in general. My uncle who had earlier migrated to New Zealand, wrote compelling accounts about the place, such that I resolved to attend the University of Auckland. 

In 1974, along with my family, I emigrated to New Zealand and despite homesickness for my friends, I was happy to leave Britain, which was just too crowded. To my joy New Zealand exceeded my expectations, both in terms of having fewer people, but also for its outstanding natural beauty. While completing my degree in Philosophy and Anthropology I worked with my uncle in his school maintenance business to help finance my studies. 

At this time, my uncle taught me about Collapse Awareness and how every human civilization destroys itself through its technology and unchecked growth. Also, I started my healing journey during my university years, became a Meditation Teacher and embraced the New Age self-development movement. 

I got involved in many protest movements: South African Apartheid, Anti-Racist Land Grabs and Free Education Movement. I was too late for the Anti-Nuclear Movement and The Vietnam Anti-War Movement. In the late seventies and early eighties saw oil restrictions in New Zealand, and we had ‘carless days’ to ration overseas oil shortages. In 1980 New Zealand became Nuclear Free which created the expectation that Industrial Civilization would do the right thing and not destroy itself. 

The successful Montreal Protocol enacted to prevent atmospheric ozone depletion fostered much optimism for our collective future. Perhaps because of the environmental successes of the 1980s, the environmental movement did not fully realize the unfortunate victory of the Neoliberal economic experiment and its legitimization of the biosphere’s destruction. More significantly, there was no debate about living within our ecological boundaries, but rather a binary argument between economics and environment, which totally missed the point.

For example, in the early eighties, I was aware of the protest around the building of the Clyde Dam, but only in its destruction of prized orchards, famous for the region. Put differently, the Clyde Dam was regarded as a conservation issue, not an overshoot problem. The question of whether we should (or could) live in a sustainable manner was not addressed. Few asked what the limits to growth on a finite planet would look like. Very few were reading William Catton’s book, “Overshoot,” when it was published in 1980. 

Upon finishing my degree, I started training as a social worker but was unable to continue due to a stressful and highly hierarchical organization. I decided to become self-employed, working outside, and created my own successful property maintenance business. But just when life was looking good, I experienced a devastating relationship breakup. Seven years later, at 30, I was inducted into a religious cult. 

It took another 25 years to break free from my ‘religious abusers’ and continue with some much-needed personal growth. My newfound liberation made me determined to never again consent to lies and deceit. Around 2010 I became aware of Peak Oil and The Transit Town Movement and went off-grid. 

In 2019 I met Guy McPherson and listened to his apocalyptic message in Otaki, where he gave a talk on irreversible Climate Change. It took a few years to process this information. The initial success of Extinction Rebellion (XR) which single handed put the environmental emergency into the public debate. However, Covid up-staged XR Rebellion which made their civil disruption appear irrelevant.

So why do I support the growing awareness and acceptance of industrial civilization collapse? Put simply, people nowadays must realize their collapse predicament, which will inevitably negatively impact unfolding events. 

What unfolding events? We witness wars caused by the collapse of Industrial Civilization, as military nations grab earth’s remaining resources; the plight of migrants, as populations flee unlivable environments, exasperated by racism; the rise of totalitarian governments, as unregulated Neoliberal economies abandon working people and the destruction of property and infrastructure due to extreme weather events, to name but a few. 

Conclusion? Educating the public is essential if we are to help mitigate the worst panic reactions to irreversible climate change and the environmental emergency. My trauma is a small part of a much larger abuse by humans (Homo-Colossus) against nature and the rest of the biosphere. 

In recent years, I have transformed my life by clearing much of my past trauma. My passion is to help others heal their trauma and enjoy sharing collapse awareness and collapse acceptance with other like-minded people. I enjoy my retirement with my wife Colette and our shared family. 

Thank you for reading my story.